A new reader asked me the question, “why deliberate living?” It’s something that started out as a vague notion for me that has changed and shaped over the years. But I realized that I never had written about what deliberate living means to me.
Why I Use the Phrase “Deliberate Living”
“Deliberate”, according to Merriam-Webster, has three meanings:
- “characterized by or resulting from careful and thorough consideration”
- “characterized by awareness of the consequences”
- “slow, unhurried, and steady as though allowing time for decision on each individual action involved”
When you put this together with “living” it becomes a way of living that involves consideration, decision, and awareness of consequences.
Deliberate vs Intentional
I decided to use the word deliberate, flying in the face of the trends on the internet for “intentional living.” To me, deliberate feels more useful than intentional, simply because deliberate implies that I am taking action, and intentional just means that that is what I think.
We all know about the road to somewhere hot and what it is paved with.
Deliberate reminds me that I am living my life right now, and making those choices every day.
Intentional is just a wish.
This Is Not About Control
Many people see deliberate and think that I am tightly controlling my life.
I know the futility of trying to control the uncontrollable. I am fully aware that I have no control over other people, places, things and circumstances.
Deliberate living is about responding to everything going on around me in a way that is thoughtful and considered.
It’s about making the choices on how I respond and therefore how I live my life.
The Blog’s Mission
I moved into deliberate living after many years of blogging about productivity and simplicity.
For many years it was all about getting more done. Adding simplicity to the mix was my way of trying to cut out the unnecessary fluff.
Eventually, suffering burnout yet again, I realized that life was more than just getting things done. I wanted to step back and focus on they quality of life rather than the quantity.
And so I shifted the blog to tie into that.
The Difference Between Being Busy and Being Intentional
It’s really easy to be busy. Even if you aren’t flying from one activity to another, smart devices and social media can suck up your time. Busy comes from the place where you are always doing – a full schedule, with non-scheduled time occupied with other activities.
Intentionality, on the other hand, means that activities are chosen with thought to priorities.
Busyness can happen by default.
Intentionality requires some level of reflection.
For example:
- Busy is working a full time job, running children to and from activities, while snatching dinner from fast food, dealing with meltdowns and limited homework time, then collapsing in bed to scroll through social media for a couple of hours.
- Intentional is working full time, having your children choose one activity per week, and reading a book during your evenings. You might meal prep dinner for those weeknights you are out during the weekend, and you help your kids plan out when they will do homework.
How Deliberate Living Shows Up in Everyday Life
Deliberate living is as much about how I live my daily life as it is for the bigger things.
Daily Routines
I have a morning routine, based on Hal Elrod’s The Miracle Morning*, that I do without fail. It allows me to start the day gently, and makes sure I have a designated time for meditation, journaling and some brain exercises.
My morning routine was built up over many years, but has always contained the same elements. Now I feel out of sorts and unsteady if I don’t do my morning routine.
For more articles on this, check out:
- A 5 Step Guide to Create A Morning Routine That Sticks
- What To Put In Your Morning Routine
- Building a Morning Routine That Matters
- How To Create A Productive Morning Routine
How Time Is Spent
I wish I could say that I never fall prey to the timewasters of web surfing, social media or low value activities. That’s not the case. But now when I hit those things, I am able to stop myself and ask if this is what I really want to be doing.
Most times I will move on from there, and get to something more productive.
I have several articles on this topic over at my Patreon: Hidden Multitasking, How Do I Want To Spend My Time. Please note: this is a paid resource, either as a patron or purchasing the individual articles.
Activities I Agree To
One of the things that gets me into trouble is that I say yes to things in the future without really considering the impact when that time arrives. (I talk about this in my Patreon article Busy and Boundaries).
But the deliberate living stems in large part to the activities I agree to.
I’ve had to make some adjustments over the past few years. Being diagnosed with both an autoimmune disease and breast cancer within weeks of each other in 2024 forced me into a season of life where I had to be very deliberate. Managing my energy became my daily goal, and giving myself enough rest was the number one objective.
To a large extent, this is still true. I still focus on energy management and rest. This drives what I agree to do.
I have two main criteria for saying yes to any activity:
- I have to feel like I’m 100% on board. If I am not, or I feel like the activity is any sort of burden, I have to say no.
- I have to make sure that the load I have currently is appropriate – even if it is six months in the future. If I don’t take into account my standard energy level, I pay a heavy price. If the load is inappropriate or would be too taxing, I have to say no.
What I’ve Learned by Making Fewer, Better Choices
Shifting into a deliberate living mindset has not been easy. I’ve learned some lessons along the way.
Decision Guidelines Reduce My Stress
Having the guidelines above allows me to evaluate activities and projects has made it easier to act in my best interest. I used to say yes all the time, fearing that I wouldn’t get another chance.
Now I use the guidelines, created through soul searching and evaluation, and can more easily say no. I say no frequently, and I don’t have to feel the stress of an overloaded life.
Better Choices Create More Margin
By choosing what I want to do using my guidelines, I have much more time in my life. I am no longer looking at having to fill in all my free time with other activities because I am overcommitted.
More margin means I also have more time for rest and restorative activities. This feeds back into the loop and lowers my stress further.
Tradeoffs Are Unavoidable
I’ve always heard that saying yes means saying no to something else – and vice versa. Now I have concrete evidence of this.
In choosing my activities, I see what I am saying no to – and realizing that I am saying yes more to my personal needs.
Simplicity Can Improve Follow Through
I have noticed that my decision paralysis has gone way done. Instead of having the choice of 20 things to do, I have less than five. This simplicity means I get things done faster. When I work steadily at one thing at a time, they get done.
I have long restricted myself to one craft project at a time (because multiple means I don’t get any of them done). I recently restricted myself to one book at a time under the same logic. And I am getting through more books with having to re-read less to figure out what I had already read.
4 Simple Ways to Start Living More Deliberately
I found that living more deliberately is a slow and (sorry) deliberate process. If you want to give it a try, here are four simple ways to start.
- Pause before saying yes. Ask yourself if you are 100% on board. Ask yourself if you have the bandwidth. If not, say no.
- Ask what matters most right now. Get very clear on what your most important tasks are right now. And do things to move those forward.
- Reduce one unnecessary commitment. If you look at your schedule, you will probably see things that you are either not 100% on board with, or that you don’t have the bandwidth. Let them go.
- Choose one area to simplify this week. Pick one small area to make more deliberate. Perhaps implement a morning routine, or even what you do before bed.
In Conclusion
Deliberate living, for me, is not about having a perfectly ordered life or controlling every outcome; it is about paying attention, choosing with care, and living in a way that honors my energy, my values, and my limits. It means I no longer want to drift through my days by default or say yes simply out of habit, guilt, or fear of missing out. Instead, I want my life to reflect thoughtful decisions, steady priorities, and enough margin to rest, recover, and show up fully for what matters most. That is the heart of deliberate living to me: a life lived on purpose, one considered choice at a time.
